ONE YEAR

A year ago today, August 22, 2011, I got on a plane and flew to Zambia for the best 4 months of my life. I didnt know what I was getting myself into. I just knew that I was going to Zambia with 30 Harding students to live on a mission site, take classes, and come back a little while later changed. It's funny now to think back and see what all God did through those 4 months and through the time I've been back. I just have to laugh because I had NO idea. I thought I knew. Boy, I thought I had life all figured out. I was way wrong. While in Zambia, I learned to love more than I have ever loved. I learned to serve more than what was sometimes comfortable. I learned to praise Jesus until tears were streaming down my face. I learned to question God and be angry with Him. I learned to trust Him even when it seemed absolutely crazy. I learned to not let fear get in the way of living life. I learned to take advantage of every second because life flies by right before your eyes. There's so much that I learned that changed me. It wasnt easy to learn, but it was completely worth it. Then I came back to America and thought it was be pretty easy. I was wrong again. Thats the part that you dont sign up for when you decide you want to go on this trip. You dont sign up for culture shock. You dont sign up for overwhelming sadness when you realize you'll never be in Zambia with that same group of people again. You dont sign up for separation from the Harding family that you formed there. You dont sign up for your heart to be ripped apart because it was left on the other side of the world. You dont sign up for this longing feeling that literally eats at you telling you that you need to get back there as soon as possible. You dont sign up for the feelings of anger you get when you see pictures of people with "your baby" that arent you. I just didnt even know what I was getting myself into when I signed up for HIZ 2011. That little application, interview, and email entailed so much more than I ever ever ever would've thought. As hard as it is being back in America, as hard as it is not being able to hug my babies, as hard as it is being away from the 30 Harding brothers and sisters I now have, as hard as it is trying to fit into this materialistic world, I wouldnt change a thing. Because I know this is where I'm supposed to be right now. God used those 4 months in Zambia to build me into this person that is now supposed to be living right here in Austin, Dallas, Abilene, who knows where else, to shine His light on the people here. Sometimes I dont think it's fair. I dont want to be here. I want to be in Africa. Other people get to go there...why cant I? Life was so simple there. God was so evident. My faith was so strong. My babies need me. I need them. I can come up with all of these excuses to convince myself and others that I need to be there. But when I do that God kind of gives me a reality check. America needs an example of simplicity here. God needs to be evident here. My faith needs to be strong even when it's not easy. My babies need God, not me. I need God. I need to see God in people here. And so I'm here, serving God in a country that needs Him just as badly as Zambia I'm here because I need to see God in America just as badly as I needed to see him in Zambia. I'm here, following God wherever he leads me. I'm here, trying to live out my faith even when it's so so hard. I'm here, and I'm learning to be content with that.

With that being said, this past summer I would've loved to be in Africa. But I wasnt. I was in Garland, Texas. Good ol' Garland. A year ago, I never would've imagined that I'd be spending my summer interning for a Dallas youth group. In fact, when the youth minister asked me, I told him no the first couple times.  But God was working on my heart and he was working in my life. And eventually I followed Him to Saturn Road Church of Christ. And just as those 4 months in Zambia changed my life, so did the 3 months in Garland. I learned to love people that were hard to love. I learned to love completely even though I knew I was just going to have to pack up and leave. I learned patience. I learned hard work. I learned that even though I was supposed to be an example to these kids, they were an example to me. I learned how to put stress behind me and have fun. I learned how to let things go and focus on the more important issues in life such as faith and relationships. I learned that serving the Lord means getting out of your comfort zone. But over all, I learned that Garland and Zambia are so so similar. God sent me there to reach a group of people that so badly need Him. But He also sent me there because He knew that I so badly needed Him, and the Zambians and the SR youth group were people that I needed more than they needed me. I wasnt in Garland because I'm this great Christian who could change the lives of 100 highschool kids. Not at all. I realized that I'm so inadequate, and if my youth group kids saw God in me at all this summer, it was all Him, not me. (Thank goodness!) I was there because together those 100 highschool kids and myself are walking through this journey of life where God is lost, sin is strong, and we so badly need people to encourage us. They encouraged me, their families encouraged me, and the church encouraged. And because I followed God to a place that I didnt necessarily want to go, I learned things I never would've learned anywhere else, I struggled and grew in my faith, I fell in love with a new group of people, and I gained a new family.

So after the past year I've realized this huge part of life that is so important and rewarding, but so hard and demanding. LOVE. God calls us to love. That sounds pretty simple. And it is. It's easy to love people. It's easy to unconditionally love your family because you know they'll always be around. But I've learned that loving isnt so easy when you know you're going to have to leave those people. I went to Zambia and poured out every little drop of love that I had left in me, and then I came home with nothing. Because I had given everything to a group of people that was halfway across the world. But somehow God filled me back up. So I went to Garland and poured out every little drop of love in me there, and came back to Austin with nothing because I was hours away from where my heart was. But God is still filling me up. Now I look back on life and realize I've given what I thought was everything multiple times. I've given it to my family, I've given it to Brentwood church and school and the people there that I grew up with, I've given it to my friends at Camp Blue Haven, I've given it to my friends at ACU, my friends at Harding, my friends at trek, kids at Impact, Zambian college students, orphans at Namwianga, highschool kids at Saturn Road, families at Saturn road, and the list goes on and on. I've given what I thought was everything and come home feeling left with nothing, just to watch God fill me back up and prepare me to give everything again. And that's what is so awesome, rewarding, challenging, and hard about loving. In the moment it's easy to love and then you have to pack up and leave. You get home feeling torn apart because your heart is back where you left it. But the love doesnt stop there. The church family doesnt break up when you drive away after your last day of work as an intern. A home isnt torn down when you leave after living there all summer. Your friendship doesnt end when you fly out of Zambia knowing you might not ever see those college students again. Your bond with an orphan isnt over when you walk out of the orphanage hearing him screaming after you and knowing that you wont get to watch him grow up. Love doesnt just stop. Distance doesnt just break that off. You know why? Because we're united in Christ. When I leave a place that has my whole heart, I know I'll be ok because God is still there loving those people (and who would want my love anyways when they have the love of Christ?). And that makes it a little easier for me to leave. I also know that we'll all be reunited one day. And that makes it a lot easier for me to leave. I've learned to love completely with that hope that one day, because of Christ, I'll be able to hug each person that I've loved and each person that loved me. One day every little piece of my heart that I've given away will be put back together because of the promise of our almighty God. One day, every group of people that I've poured my heart out to will be together. I wont ever have to leave anyone again. But then I cant help but wonder if I'm really gonna care about all that? When we are all reunited in the kingdom of God, I cant help but wonder if we're going to be so overwhelmed by the presence of our Lord and the glory of Heaven, that we will be on our knees, speechless, and in awe of eternity with our Creator, that nothing else will matter. Because in reality, no matter how much we love, no matter how many people we love, and no matter how important we think our love is, God's love is infinitely better. Period.

This world is not my home

I love Austin. I love my house and my family. I love laying on my couch watching a movie with my mom and dad. I love that there hasn’t been a second since I’ve been home that people haven’t been over. I love my mom’s cookies or brownies and my tia’s homemade salsa. I love Brentwood and the family that church has been to me for almost 20 years. I love that there are already bluebonnets on the green green side of the highway. I love that the rain cleared up today and I got to enjoy the real Austin weather that I know and love. I love Austin Stone. I love how I can go to that church with hundreds of college kids and praise my Jesus without holding anything back. I love walking out of Austin Stone and seeing downtown all lit up. I love downtown Austin. I love my home. I love it. I wouldn’t live anywhere else.

Before spring break, life at ACU was crazy. I was stressed out from school work and so ready to get home. And now I’m home and I love it. But I miss ACU. I miss my friends and I miss dorm life. I miss the atmosphere of the campus center and bean. I miss chapel and just the fun of college.

I miss Harding and my small group of friends there. I miss spending 24/7 with my HIZ family. I miss the relationships that are so deep, the people that truly care about my life and understand how I feel, and the simplicity of life when we lived together for 3 months.

I also miss Africa. Oh my goodness, I’d do anything to be there. I would get on a plane literally this second, by myself, with no returning flight, and go. I don’t care where I’d go or for how long, as long as I was going back to Africa. I want to walk into Haven 3 and have Matt, Bennett, and Nathan run up to me; I know I’d fall to the ground with tears in my eyes while I held them and laughed at those crazy crazy boys. I want to wrap my sweet Cathy up and never let her go. I want to sing in Tonga and wear chitenges. I want to smell that dirty smell of the beautiful, joyful Zambian people.

I wish I could be a hundred places at once. I wish I could be surrounded by everyone I know at the same time. I wish I could be here today and there the next. But I cant. God created us to be so adaptable. We talk about getting out of our comfort zone, but that “uncomfortable” place quickly becomes so comfortable. We so quickly begin to feel “at home.” Austin is my home, but I have a home and family in many different places on the Earth. Yes I miss Africa, Harding, ACU, Austin…but what a blessing that is. How blessed am I that I have people around the world that are my friends and that I miss?

“This world is not my home. I’m just a passing through.” I’m realizing more and more how so very true that song is. This world is not my home. I believe we’re made to long for the places and people that we aren’t with. I believe we’re made to wish we were somewhere else. One of my favorite songs says “maybe the reason for the world is to make us long for home.” There’s only one place where we can be with everyone we know at the same time and not miss another place….heaven. Heaven is our home. How can someone not have that longing to be there? How can someone not feel so desperate to get there and not long for home again? Goodness… I cant imagine the day when everyone I know is together in the presence of God. We get to bask in the glory of our all mighty Savior. We get to live together for eternity. How beautiful is that going to be? The more places I go, the more people I meet, the more and more I miss something…the more I long for heaven. Because there, and only there, am I able to fill every longing I have. There, and only there, am I finally able to stand hand in hand with people from Africa, ACU, Harding, and Austin and worship our one and only Creator.

God is good

This past weekend I got an email that literally broke my heart. I felt like everything had been destroyed. I didnt want to be here. I didnt enjoy doing my "normal" things. I felt helpless and desperate. I wanted to be in Zambia next to the hospital bed where Sidney was fighting for her life and I wanted to be at the funeral of Mary. It was killing me to just sit here and not be able to do anything...except pray.

The email said this...Mary and Sidney, two little girls in haven 3, were in the bathtub and the auntie walked out of the bathroom to take care of something. While she was gone the hot water got turned on. It burned Mary and Sidney so bad that they were taken to the hospital. Mary fought for 5 days before losing her battle. Sidney is still in the hospital in critical condition.

Mary and Sidney were physically a huge part of my life everyday for 3 months. After those 3 months they continued to be a huge part of my life just by what I learned from spending time with them. They were always there in the havens to run up to you and make you feel so special as soon as you walked into the door. They were so so joyful and fun. They were God's children and He loved them with an everlasting love. He was blessing them and teaching them, and he was using them to bless and teach us. Mary lost her life due to burns that maybe could've been easily healed here in the US. It doesn make sense why things like this happen. It isn't fair that Mary was an orphan and didnt have a mother to stand by her side as she endured the awful pain of those burns. It isn't fair that someone that young and innocent would lose their chance at living life here on earth. Sidney is still having to endure the pain of those burns and that isnt fair either. While I was there last semester she walked for the first time. I held her while she screamed and cried because she didnt like the food that I was trying to force her to eat. She had a smile that literally lit up the room. It doesnt make sense that she's already had to go through so much and now she's fighting for her life...and she doesnt have a mother to help her through this either. But life isnt supposed to make sense...God didnt promise us an easy life without pain or struggles. He just promises us that He'll be there holding us when nothing seems fair. So as my heart was breaking for Mary and Sidney, for the pain they were/are suffering, for the opportunities they dont have there in Zambia, for the life that Mary will never get to live, and for the scars that will affect Sidney for the rest of her life, God was putting my heart back together. He was reminding me that He is God. He has a plan. He loves Mary and Sidney more than I do. He is working out all things for good. He is in control. He is there holding them when I cant be. He is good, oh so good. Mary, a little girl who would've lived a difficult life as an orphan in Zambia, is now sitting in the lap of her Heavenly Father. There's not a better picture than that right there! And Sidney isnt going through this alone. God is right next to her hospital bed holding her tight and loving her. He has a plan for Sidney and I trust Him as he's working that out right now.

Life is hard. So much of me doesnt want to do the normal things that I always do. I went and saw a sad movie the day after I found out and it wasnt sad anymore...because my heart was breaking for a real life situation that is so so devastating. But when I'm here and feeling helpless and out of control I just remember that God is God and I am not. I pray to him to hold Mary close up there and I pray to him to heal precious Sidney. I beg and beg and beg for Him to heal her. I pray to him for the aunties that are dealing with this awful accident. I pray that he gives them grace and peace and takes away all feelings of guilt. I pray for my HIZ family and all the other people around the world who love Mary and Sidney and who are hurting because of this. I pray because thats all I can do here. I pray because I know that God is in control and that he hears my desperate cries.

I ask you to pray also. Pray for these little girls whether you know them or not and pray for the aunties. Pray for the people affected by this. Pray for Brittney and Kevin, two people from my group who loved Mary; she was "their baby." Pray for peace, understanding, and comfort. God is good and loving and almighty, and all we can do is trust in Him.

Sidney...such a happy little girl!

Sidney finally walking!

Sweet Mary

Kevin and Brittney with Caleb and Mary

Blessed in Africa. Blessed in America. Thankful for both.

This thanksgiving I feel like I have a lot more to be thankful for than I've had in the past. Or maybe I'm just more aware of the blessings. Either way, I'm grateful, so very grateful. 

A week ago today I got back to America. Saturday I got back home to Austin. Since then I've been spending time with family and friends. They warned us about reverse culture shock and the difficulty we would have being back home. As much as I miss my HIZ family, my babies, the singing, the people there, and just the simplicity of life I've found joy in being back in America. God puts us where He wants us and we get to choose what to do with it. We can jump in feet first and make the most of it or we can let change and difficult circumstances bring us down and hold us back. God has blessed me with an easy transition back to real life here in America. 

Since I've been home I've been watching Facebook blow up with the news of Samantha Bahl. I went to camp with Samantha for years and although we were never really friends just her presence was enough to make an impact on my life. She was always smiling, she was full of the light of God, she was positive and encouraging and just excited about life no matter what it threw at her. Even when she battled cancer for 2 years she didn't lose any of those qualities that drew people to her. Yesterday she was finally freed from all the pain that she's dealt with for 2 years and she went home to celebrate with our Father. 

Last night my family got in and my house was automatically filled with 18395053 people. At least that's how it seemed! We took up half the attendance at church, we ate enough food to feed an army, and we were loud enough to keep the city of Austin awake all night! But we had more fun and shared more love than seems possible. And that's only the first of 4 days of thanksgiving celebration!  

All that to say that now I'm laying here in my bed with my sweet little cousin Madison, waiting for the family that's covering every square inch of my house to wake up, and not being able to stop thinking about how blessed I am, how grateful I am, and how humbled I am to have a God that loves me this much. 

This thanksgiving...
Im thankful for the fact that Im awake, breathing, and able to spend the day with people that I love. Today isn't promised for any of us. God took Samantha home before today. But for me He's given the gift of another day in this world. I'm not going to take it for granted. 

I'm thankful for a God that loves me despite all my mistakes. I'm thankful for his grace and mercy. Im thankful for his power. I'm thankful for his patience, his understanding, and his love. I'm thankful that he loves me not because of anything I do, but just because. 

I'm thankful for the opportunity God gave me to live in Africa for the past 3 months. I'm thankful for my babies there. I'm thankful for the work God is doing there. I'm thankful for the things He showed me and taught me while I was there. I'm thankful for the 29 best people I know that I got to share the experience with. I'm thankful for the joy, simplicity, service and faith that shines out from the lives of the Africans. 

Because of that experience I'm thankful for the lack of poverty and disease in America. I'm thankful for the abundance of food that will be on our table for lunch. I'm thankful for clean food and water, dirt and water that dont give you parasites, and mosquitos that aren't full of malaria. I'm thankful for good health care and access to any medicines that we need. I'm thankful for a peaceful government. I'm thankful for our country's foundation of faith. I'm thankful for opportunities that we are able to have that a lot of people around the world don't have. I'm thankful for Gods blessings here even though it doesn't make sense why He gave us more than we could ever use when people are dying from the lack of necessities. 

Being back home I'm thankful for my parents and brother and sister. I'm thankful for a house that I can call home, even if I have 10 other homes around the world. I'm thankful for lifelong friends and the ability to go separate ways in life but still come back to each other like nothing ever changed. I'm thankful for my church family. I'm thankful for my school that shaped me from the time I was able to walk up until I left for college, and the fact that I can still walk in there and feel at home. I'm thankful for ACU and Harding. I'm even thankful for the difficult decision I have of which school to go to now because that means I'm blessed enough to have 2 schools that I can call family. I'm thankful for grandparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins. Im thankful for the love, the laughter, the hugs, and the sincere joy that pours out every time we're around each other. And I'm thankful for the loud, crazy, busy, and overwhelming 3 days we're about to spend together!

Today I'm thinking about my babies and my Zambian friends that I wish I could be celebrating Thanksgiving with. But I'm also grateful that God put me here with my family to remind me of everything I have to thank him for and to celebrate with. I'm blessed. I'm grateful. I'm thankful. I'm loved by a God that showers me with blessings even when I don't deserve it.

Not the Final Bye-bye

November 17 blog

Well we made it back to America! The past few weeks have been busy and crazy. Full of lots of adventures, lots of traveling, and lots of fun! It's been hard though. Our last week at Namwianga was full of lots of goodbyes. We had a big lunch to honor all of our workers...our house cleaners, the people who wash our clothes, our cooks, nightguards, teachers, etc. They truly are servants. Everyday I was filled with joy because of their smiles and "mabuka buti" greetings. All the girls had a devo with our college tutors and friends. There were about 50 girls in the Mann house that night and it was an incredible night of worship. Nothing compares to singing with the zambians. I've said that a thousand times but it's just so true. That's what heavens going to be like and I can't wait! One of the college girls taught us a song that night that said "We have to say goodbye, but not the final bye bye. We hope to be together in heaven someday." That's going to be the greatest reunion ever! Brenda, Ndeleki, and Ruth have become great friends and have taught me so much. I took Brenda and Ndeleki to the havens with me one day to see my babies and it was so fun! Now I have someone there to check on them for me! Our last night at Namwianga was full of a lot of goodbyes but the hardest was saying goodbye to Webster and Justin, our nightguards. Webster is seriously the most joyful and loving person I know. And he's a great Godly man and example for us. That night he prayed over us and I've never felt anything more powerful. Our last morning at Namwianga, November 2, was a rough one...the girls woke up for the sunrise and had a little devo before walking to the havens one last time. Saying bye to my babies was the hardest thing I've ever done. I love Cathy and Matt so so much and I didnt want to put them down. I didnt want to let go. I just wanted to stare at their precious faces forever. But I had to trust God that he was going to continue watching over them. He loves them more than I do. God only meant for me to be in their lives for a short time and now I have to trust that God's going to love them and I know he has great plans for them. 

After leaving Namwianga we started 2 weeks of travel, travel, travel! America makes 6 countries in the past 2 weeks! We went to South Africa for a night before flying to Tanzania. In Tanzania we visited the Mwanza mission team and got to see the work that they were doing there. Another culture, another language. I think I know how to greet in about 10 African languages now! The team was great though and really welcomed us into their homes and churches and just showed us the goods and bads of mission work. In Tanzania we spent about 3 days safariing in the Serengeti! It was beautiful and incredible and we got to see a male lion! I was sick one day and had to stay at the lodge but let me tell you, if you have to be stuck somewhere for a day then a 5 star safari lodge in the Serengeti is the place to do it! Whitney stayed with me and we had a great day just hanging out and relaxing! After the safari we got on a plane and flew to kenya! While we were there we got to see where our teachers, the Tankersleys, used to live. We saw churches that they had planted and schools they had worked with. We had a great adventure one day with muddy roads. Its been raining in Kenya for 2 weeks straight and that causes dirt roads to become rivers. Sure enough, our bus got stuck one day and we were there for about 7 hours. By the end of the day we were covered in mud, cold, and hungry. We made it back to the hotel at 11 that night and had some sandwiches for dinner. It was quite an adventure though. During those 7 hours we met lots of people...played with the neighbor kids, talked to people our age, and had lots of help from kind strangers. The next say we got stuck in the mud again going to church but this time we got it out quickly and walked the rest of the way. TIA. I've never been so grateful for the Tarmac roads. After a few nights in Kenya we drove across the border to Uganda. This was a really quick trip but we spent a lot of the time in town shopping and at the Source Cafe. The source of the Nile river is in Jinja, Uganda so we got to take a boat ride to see that. It was so neat and a really good trip!
We used literally every type of transportation in Africa...walking, cars, buses, tractors, even a trailer on the back of a motorcycle. We used every type of bathroom in Africa...the street, the Serengeti, a corn field, someones yard, nasty latrines. I think we've experienced almost everything possible. And we've crammed it into just a short time. I can't believe our trip is already over! 
Wednesday morning at 4 o'clock we left our hotel in Uganda, drove to the airport and flew to Johannesburg where we had a 12 hour layover. At 10:45 Wednesday night we finally flew out of Jo-burg and began our 18 hour flight to DC! Our flight was late so we had less than an our to go through customs, recheck our bags, and literally sprint through the airport. It was a miracle that we made our flight. Now we're in Chicago and about to fly to Memphis! We'll drive to Harding tonight and be there for a couple days! Then home this weekend. That's a quick overview of the crazy last few weeks. There's so many thoughts going through my head. It's been a great great trip! Keep praying for our team as we finish traveling and debrief for a couple days before splitting up and going home. 

My oh so crazy life.

“My oh so crazy life has got me spinnin’ round and round, hanging upside down, taking one step at a time, holding your hand all the way. And it’ll be ok. I’m gonna live for today following your way!”

There are so many things running through my head right now. I don’t even know where to start. So bear with me…this might be really jumbled.

Since being back from Mumena I’ve spent a lot of time with my babies in the haven, the kiddos from the basic school that come to my house to play every day, and my Zambian friends. I’ve been soaking up their joy. I’ve been learning to love them with God’s love. I’ve been learning to look at life as a child looks at life, to have the faith that a child has. I’ve been trying to make the most of every opportunity.

Some highlights since our trip: Choir practice! I love being in the choir with the Zambian college students! Staying the night at the havens, singing with Prince and Rajiv, Sunday night church…3 people got baptized! We had a photoshoot with our little haven babies outside and they were so happy and fun! Stephanie, Mackenzie, and I spent a couple hours playing with Rosa and her friends painting nails, coloring, and dancing. They were going crazy and having so much fun and I really started to see their real personalities. They are sweet sweet girls! Mr. Merritt taught us an awesome class about God’s will and how we know what it is. Wednesday night girls devo and Thursday night group devo were such blessings! I love worshiping with my HIZ group! Abbie, Stephanie, and I spent a couple hours talking with Mrs. Merritt and just getting to hear her life story; she is an amazing woman and it’s incredible to see how God has used her and the good and bad things in her life that have gotten her to this place. She’s such an inspiration. Today I learned how to do Cathy’s hair! I wasn’t very good at it haha but with practice I could eventually do it J

This week we visited St. Mulumba Special School in Choma; it’s a boarding school that teaches the visually impaired, hearing impaired, and intellectually impaired children. The few hours that we spent at this school have been the highlight of my trip. Being there was incredible and so fun! I learned sign language, Braille, and smiling/hugging (the language of the intellectually impairedJ). These children were so happy and full of joy! They loved showing us around their classrooms and teaching us everything they are learning. They had the biggest pot of nisma I’ve ever seen…and they had 2 of them. They were huge metal barrels that came up to my stomach and they had to be stirred with oars! Stirring a little pot of nisma is hard enough…I cant imagine the muscles those women have from stirring that huge thing! I was so impressed with the school. Disabilities in Zambia are very looked down on. Families and communities will sometimes abandon or even kill the child if they are born handicapped. But this school truly cares about these kids and they are teaching them. The kids are learning and being loved. 2 deaf girls sang us the Zambian National Anthem in sign language. A blind boy wrote my name in Braille and taught me how to do mathematics. And a mentally handicapped girl named Karen made our day the best one yet. This little girl can’t talk or do sign language, but man can she hug. She would run between every single one of us giving us hug after hug after hug. We all probably got at least 20 hugs from Karen…and she just laughed and had the biggest smile the whole time. We wanted to steal her and take her home with us. The whole world needs hugs from Karen and the joy that she has!

Well 10 days. That’s all I have left with my precious babies. 10 more days to cuddle with Matt and be filled with the light that comes from his smile. 10 more days to watch Kathy grow into a precious joyful little girl. 10 more days to be a “playing mother” to Rosa and her friends who come to play every day. 10 more days to spend time with my Tonga friends Ruth, Brenda, and Deleki. 10 more days to show all our workers how much we appreciate them just by spending time with them during the day. 10 more days to bask in the glory and joy of singing with hundreds of Zambians to OUR Jesus. 10 more days of unbearable heat. 10 more sunsets that that huge hot sun makes. 10 more days of homework homework homework. 10 more days with the Mann Family. 10 more days of home. Home away from home. Home sweet Namwianga. In 10 days we leave Namwianga. We’ll still have 2 more weeks in Africa, but it won’t be the same. I don’t doubt that God will still work in our lives. He’s still going to show me new things everyday and teach me more about Him. He’s still going to love me and give me opportunities to give that love to others.  He’s still going to continue to amaze me. But Namwianga has been my home for 2 months now.

I’m excited to get home, don’t get me wrong. I cant wait to see what God has in store. Home is where the real battle field is. But it’s also the glory field. It’s going to be hard but it’s going to give me so many opportunities to give Him the glory. I couldn’t have done this without Him. Everyone said this trip would be life changing…ha I had no idea how life changing it really would be. I’ve been so blessed! I couldn’t be surrounded by 29 better people. This week God has taken my faith and shown me 134985940 new things that I never knew. I’m a different person because of it. LOVE. GRACE. POWER. MERCY. PRAYER. JOY. PASSION. SALVATION. FAITH. PEACE. I’ve know these words my entire life but now they have real meaning. God’s teaching me so much. It’s definitely not always easy but it’s a blessing and He’s helping me grow into the person He knows that I can be. So blessed!

Pray for our group as we wind down our time at Namwianga! We have a lot of work to do and a lot of people to spend time with! It’s going to be a hard transition for us. Pray for the babies at the havens! While talking to Mrs. Merritt I realized how much work it takes to run the havens. But over financial and physical support all she really wants is prayers for those babies. They need it so bad! Pray for the Namwianga students that got baptized Sunday night!

“Jesus knows all about our struggles. He will guide till the day is done. There’s not a friend like the lowly Jesus. NO NOT ONE. NO NOT ONE.”

A Day in the Life...

Saturday night Ashley, Whitney, Abbie, and I packed a bag, loaded up some sleeping bags and went to the havens to work the night shift with the aunties! Little did we know those sleeping bags would never be touched. We got there around 7 Saturday evening and immediately started feeding crying babies. We were in Haven 1 where the little babies live so there were always plenty of hungry, dirty, or tired babies. Ba Cecelia, the head auntie, talked to us for a little bit and told us that basically the aunties just feed babies all night long. When one cries they feed them. If they’re dirty they change them. They also do laundry all night long. Sure enough, this went on ALL night. Just in the first few hours I had been spit up on dozens of times and peed on.  At one point, probably around 10 or 11, most of the babies were asleep so that was when we could lay down until a baby cried. Then we would get up and feed them. It was usually a nonstop rotation of a baby crying. As soon as I would put one down and start to fall asleep in my little chair another baby would cry. At about 3:30 in the morning I started to fall asleep and got maybe 45 minutes of sleep until all the babies started crying…we found out that a day at the havens starts at 4:30. Bright and early. The aunties were up bathing baby after baby, getting them into clean clothes and putting them in bed so we could come get them and feed them. Some aunties were cooking breakfast while others were cleaning the haven. This went on for a few hours until finally all the babies were clean and fed! In Haven 1 there are about 10 babies who are too old for milk so around 7 it was time to feed some of the older babies. We got them all at the table and fed each of them a bowl of porridge. Then the aunties took them back to clean them and put them in their beds. By breakfast I had managed to get peed on another time and of course lots more spit up. After breakfast time we left Haven 1 and went to Haven 2 where the toddlers live. I can’t even imagine what it would’ve been like staying there over night. It was bath time in Haven 2 and they were getting some of the kids ready for church! They take about half of the kids in that haven to church every week so around 9 o’clock we loaded up the van and drove down the road to the Johnson auditorium. Ashley, Whitney, Abbie, and I all sat on a row with 6 toddlers. Let me tell you, it was crazy. We were crammed and dripping with sweat because it was so hot, and having a kid on your lap makes it ten times hotter (and not having air conditioner). The kids slowly got cranky and tired, and I was so tired…after a night of no sleep I honestly wasn’t really in the mood to sit through a church service with a bunch of toddlers. We took them out about half way through to do a kids class with them which helped with all the heat and crankiness, and then when it was over we loaded back up in the van and went home to the Havens!

                After staying EIGHTEEN HOURS in the Havens I have a much bigger appreciation for the aunties. I met a few aunties, Betty, Violet, and Katherine, and got to talk to them a little bit. Betty was the only one that spoke English so we talked a lot about what she did there. She works the night shift every night, 5 pm to 7 am. She lives at the havens and she’s been doing it for a year. She’s single and has a daughter who lives at home with her parents. She doesn’t work any other jobs because she sleeps all day long. Violet doesn’t speak English but I sat down and did laundry with her one time and I could tell she was so appreciative of me helping her. She kept saying my name and “thank you” over and over again because those were the only words she knew how to say. In Haven 2 we got to talk to the auntie, Jennifer, and she was so glad that we were there to go to church with them.

These aunties have the hearts of a servant. A new mom always complains about not getting sleep because their one baby keeps them up. These aunties take care of 30 babies all night long. They change tons of diapers, they make tons of bottles, and they bath every baby. They do laundry for 30 kids, not 1 or 2 or 3. They are literally on their hands and knees scrubbing the floors every day. They don’t take their job lightly. They are probably always covered in spit up, pee, and poop.  But they do it with a smile on their face and a joyful attitude. They were singing while doing laundry and laughing while feeding the older kids. They truly enjoy their job. I honestly believe that not many people could do what these aunties do. This isn’t a job that you could do even if you hate it. These aunties have to love their job and love the babies that they’re taking care of. They put everything they have into giving these orphans a good life. They serve selflessly and they love every baby as Christ loves us.  A day in the life of an auntie was not east. It’s a dirty job but they do it willingly. It struck me that they are an example of God’s love for us. Compared to Him we’re dirty and needy; we fight him and don’t usually appreciate what he’s doing for us. We’re always crying out to Him for more, more, more. But He gives willingly. He holds us when we’re crying, he feeds us when we’re hungry, he comforts us when we’re needy. He doesn’t leave us in the dark to grow on our own. He’s with us from the very beginning helping us every step of the way. Every baby in the Havens has lost their mother and some have lost their father, but because of these aunties they are being loved and cared for and taken care of. Some of the aunties even have families of their own but they’re willing to give up everything for these babies. “Make me a servant, Lord make me like you.” These aunties are definitely servants just like Christ, and that’s the type of person I want to be; down doing the dirty work with a smile on my face and filled with love and joy.

“Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress.” James 1:27