Rock my world.

What a week. The last few days have been filled with experiences that people don’t want to experience. Life holds some hard things that no one wants, but God tends to put them in our lives for a reason. We dealt with death for the first time this week. We’ve been here for 3 weeks and things have been good. We’ve watched sick babies at the havens get better, we’ve seen babies being born in the clinic, and we’ve seen sick people in Kalomo and Macha hospitals but no one on the verge of death. We’ve built relationships with Zambian college students and we’ve been filled with joy by the smiles on people’s faces. We’ve been blessed. I think I can speak for the whole HIZ group when I say that we were getting pretty comfortable with where we were. Reality hit us this week when 2 different groups of people dealt with death. 3 girls were working in the clinic and had to watch a baby take some of its last breaths. The mother and grandmother were there and they were having a really hard time coping with this baby’s death. Another group went to Kalomo hospital and watched a man lay on his bed and probably take some of his last breaths also. His dad was sitting next to him comforting him as he was fading away.

We’ve taken nursing classes and have learned a lot about the disease here. We’ve seen “Sex thrills. AIDS kills.” billboards all around town. We’ve hear the statistics in the hospitals. This week the diseases that are causing such big problems in Africa became a real problem in our lives. It wasn’t just a disease in a text book anymore. It was killing people that we were dealing with.

Thursday night we had our 3 week processing meeting. We were a broken group. Death is a hard thing to deal with and process. It’s hard at home and it’s hard here in Africa. I wasn’t in either of the groups that experienced death but that night at our meeting everyone’s hearts were heavy. We sang and shed lots of tears and really just cried out to God; cried out in frustration and brokenness. We cried out in pain and helplessness. But we also cried out in thanksgiving. We cried out in peace. We cried out in praise, because our God is not overcome by death. WE are not overcome by death because of our God. “Our God is not a god of disorder, but of peace.” It doesn’t seem fair. That baby should’ve lived more than 5 months. The father shouldn’t have had to be caring for his son as he was taking his last breaths.  People in Africa shouldn’t be dying of diseases that are so easily preventable or cured in America. It’s impossible to understand the meaning behind God’s plans. It doesn’t make sense how He can choose some babies to be born in America and have everything they need, and then can choose some babies to be born in Africa where he knows they are going to get sick and not have the health care to be healed. It’s impossible to understand how God can be so great, yet He allows such bad things to happen. It’s hard to watch people die from AIDS and not be able to do anything about it. It’s hard to not be angry sometimes. But I guess that’s what faith is all about. Seeing the greatness of God even through the worst suffering. Trusting Him even when things seem to be falling apart. Handing your life over to Him and trusting that His plans are so much better than ours. Faith is not easy. As soon as we were getting comfortable with where we were God rocked our world. The great thing is God’s rocking our world in good ways along with the tough ways. I’m learning to be joyful no matter the circumstances. I’m learning that without God we are a broken and lost world. Without the hope that God gives us we would be overcome by death. Without joy we would drown in our sorrows. Without the love of God we would be lost. Without the body of Christ we would be hopeless.

This isn’t the only death we’re going to experience while we’re here in Zambia. That’s really difficult to think about. It’s going to happen and it’s probably not going to get any easier to understand. God blessed us with a family to help us though. I’m surrounded by 30 people who are experiencing what I’m experiencing, struggling with how to cope, and loving God despite it all. It’s an amazing feeling knowing that I have a family who will mourn with me when I’m sad, who will comfort me when I can’t find answers, and who will encourage me when there are no answers. We live in a broken world but we can find hope in the brothers and sister that we have in Christ, in the smiles on the faces of strangers around us, and in the awesome works of God that we’re surrounded by.  

Jesus, rock my world. In good ways. In bad ways. In ways that break me just to make me stronger.