Nelson

I failed at blogging while I was in Zambia this summer so many of y'all don't know about a large part of my time there, Nelson. Nelson was at the Havens when we got there and was a premie who was failing to thrive. So Meagan did what they sometimes do when a baby needs extra care and brought him home. So as much as I love all of the babies there, Nelson was special. He was part of our family. He had to be fed every 3 hours and watched to make sure he didn't vomit all his food. So this meant we rotated to care for Nelson around the clock. God used us to love him back to good health. We watched him transform from this tiny premie to a thriving little boy. Many days and long all-nighters taught me to love Nelson more than I ever thought I could love something this small.

  

Skyping dad during one of our all-nighters

Well Nelsie died last night when his premie lungs began to fail. Though he had grown into a healthy boy, he still had a premie body, so when his respiratory system got infected his little lungs couldn't make up for it. Gods plans will always be beyond my understanding. My heart selfishly breaks for sweet Nelsie. I wanted him to thrive and grow into a little toddler in haven 2 who played cars with his friends and loved language class. I wanted him to sing "Oh How I Love Jesus" and answer "God did!" when asked who made him. I wanted him to go home to an aunt or grandma and to experience what it was like to be loved by his own family. But God didnt want those things for him. And while I don't know why, I'll choose to believe its because Heaven is a much better place than here. I'll choose to believe that God knew what life here would hold for Nelson and He was saving him from those struggles. So while I'm selfish and sad and angry, I don't want to be. I want to be happy and rejoice in the fact that our sweet Nelly boy is in the arms of Jesus. And I want to believe that God is still good and that God is still the healer and that God's plans are still perfect. And while that seems impossible to believe in times like this, I pray that God gives us strength to claim those beliefs and cling to his promises. Even when they break our hearts and even when they don't go along with our plans and even when they don't seem fair. I pray that we can cling to His promises because without them we would have no hope or joy or reason to love. 

Baby model. He's perfect.

That furrowed brow. Nelsie in all his glory.

So today as I'm heartbroken and mourning the loss of a perfect little boy and wishing I could be in Zambia with our family and attend his burial, I am grateful that Nelson won't know the pain of the world. I'm grateful that the short life he did live wasn't as an orphan but as a little boy loved by so many people. And I'm grateful that God gave me the privilege to spread his love to a child who needed it so badly. 

Our precious family.

So while we prayed for Nelson and begged God to fill his lungs with oxygen and give him life only to watch him die, we somehow keep praying. I ask that you pray for Meagan and the aunties as they spend their lives fighting for the lives of these babies. And I ask that you pray for all the other babies at the havens. Because although Nelsie is gone, there are still so many who need strength and healing and life and the God of angel armies on their side. Take a little time out of your day today to read about these people that are dear to my heart and pray for them. Starting with Malachi...

http://zambianhavenonearth.blogspot.com/